I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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