I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
