he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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