You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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