The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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