Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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