can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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