Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
