And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
