He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
