Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You took a bar mat shot.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
