he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
