I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We talked him into tasing himself.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
