she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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