i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
