O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
