Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
