I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
