No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
