one might say we're banned from that church
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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