But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
