I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
