She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
