You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
