I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
