Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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