I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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