Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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