do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
