What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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