Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
