They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
