I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
