the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
