she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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