My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
