I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
