you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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