the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
