she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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