I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
