So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
