Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
