I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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