No more Irish car bombs ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize