I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize