Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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