he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
