Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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