I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
