I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
