Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So. Much. Porn.
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