there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
