Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
