she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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