WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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