I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
