??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
