Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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