She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
