I think I am morally bankrupt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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