It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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