i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
