i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
