It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
