I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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